Why so serious?

SO. I have officially lost my MOJO.

I have realized that I am no longer the person I used to be.

AND I HATE IT.

I feel like after moving away and leaving everything behind, that I really did leave EVERYTHING behind, including myself. I thought that by doing this, that I would GROW and become a BETTER and more EVOLVED person.

FAIL.

And as much as I want to be that person I used to be again... I know I NEVER will.

I'm not one to point fingers... but I BLAME this whole issue on these job shenanigans.

I mean, being rejected and rejected, over and over again definitely doesn't help my typically POSITIVE POLLY being... but somehow has torn me down into a NEGATIVE NANCY.

NOT COOL.

Things that I need, or want, or that will ultimately make me happy, are out of reach from not having a job.

For example.

Freedom and financial stability from my parents- FAIL.

A puppy (never to replace my beloved Tink, but you know)- FAIL.

A different living situation- FAIL.

Financial leverage against Chad- FAIL.

And to simply GROW UP- FAIL.

I mean, this whole job thing... I just don't get it... well, I guess I do get it, and it sucks.

I can't get the job at the mall or restaurant because they obviously know I'm not there to stay and I can't get the job I really want because lack of experience in the field... WELL... How am I supposed to get experience if you won't give it to me??

SHEESH.

I've just changed...

Instead of SMILING and LAUGHING, I now CRY.

Instead of being FUN and LIGHT HEARTED, I am now SERIOUS.

WHY SO SERIOUS?

NOT A DAMN CLUE.

I seem to have lost my dream of being THE ULTIMATE PR, GO-TO, "IT" GIRL, and now all my time is taken up by applying for meaningless jobs at the local pancake house and shopping mall.

WHAT?

I went to college, I have a degree, I have experience...

why don't I have a job??

The economy is no longer an excuse for me.

I'm better than this.

I received 4 rejection letters yesterday, including one from a COCKTAIL WAITRESS position.

I LOST IT.

Literally, I lost it.

I not only felt like this, I'm pretty sure I looked pretty close to this little guy as well.

I needed a SERIOUS reality check.

I mean, I KNOW things could be MUCH worse, but I just hate feeling so helpless.

Thank GOD that my best friend miss Laura Lavender happened to have called me.

JUST IN TIME.

I can always count on her to NOT sugar coat the truth for me. I LOVE that. The brutal truth hurts, but sometimes whether you can handle it or not, you need the TRUTH.

Was it something I wanted to hear? Certainly not, but I needed to hear it.

She pretty much told me that it's hard for everybody right now (still not a good enough excuse for me) and that I just need to keep trying.

She suggested that I, if it comes to it, that I could jump ship and run away to Birmingham and live with her, and since we know people there, that it my be a little easier to find a job there.

That is what is so GREAT about my friends... because not only did Laura offer a place of refuge for me, but Rachel in Tallahassee did as well.

I LOVE YOU GUYS. (AND I'll LET YOU KNOW)

{And I promise that person you all remember is still in me, I just have to find it again.}

Lost and Found perhaps?

Enough of the Debbie Downer act... THAT IS JUST NOT ME! So I am in the process of DE-CLUTTERING my life... not in a theoretical sense but in a LITERAL sense... I simply have too much crap. You would think that being a long-time subscriber of Real Simple magazine that I would have done this a long time ago...

FAIL.

The problem is, there just isn't enough room for what I/we have, and since Chad and I probably aren't going to move out of this apartment as soon as I originally thought (thanks a lot joblessness), I clearly need to downsize. Downsizing isn't such a bad thing when it comes to life. As complicated as I am, I really do like things simple. So that is a work in progress...

Another work in progress... my hair. It's long now. I grew it out in attempt to have fabulous "Kardashian" hair (and ultimately give it to "Locks of Love")

Now, I'm sure that most of their hair is probably extensions, and they have people to style it, but I truly believe that I can have fabulous hair like them... all on my OWN. I believe that I'm pretty close too!

However, now that I'm doing this whole running thing, it's starting to get in the way. Not that is wasn't before I started running... it's long, stringy, takes FOREVER to dry, and takes a ton of shampoo and conditioner. Not to mention it's heavy when I put it up. Therefore, I'm considering cutting it early. It's not to the 10 inches required for Locks of Love yet, but I simply cannot seem to manage it anymore. I've even resorted to wearing hats, and we all know with my tiny forehead (or threehead, which I like to call it. haha), what hats look like on me. If you have never seen a hat on me, then you probably don't realize that when I do wear a hat, it comes so far down that it covers my eye brows and cuts off my peripherals... creating HUGE blind spots and typically giving me a headache. So, NO GO. Short hair I just think is the way to go. I used to have fairly short hair and I loved it. I thought I looked pretty hot (guilty) and more my age... You be the judge.

So yeah, that is something else on my plate that I am contemplating. Well I'm off to go drop off some applications to the mall, think about what the "F" I want to do about my hair, and to let the de-clutterization begin. I'm open for suggestions and I love your comments... so keep them coming... Also if I know you. I love and miss you and if you're not busy...

I LOVE PHONE CALLS :)